When the Devil Went to Trial

It took over a thousand years for the Devil to be apprehended and taken to the Old Bailey Supreme High Court in London to stand trial for all his coercion of Humanity and it took over 25 years just to read out all the charges he was on trial for. They listed in the trillions and had to be condensed just to ensure that the time was sufficient for many of them to be heard by the Judge, Jury and procurators who numbered eighteen (a most significant number under the circumstances). I will neither have space nor time to list them all. It will be enough to say that the charges, including inciting war between countries, showing disrespect to the Almighty, tempting countless men, women and children toward avarice, greed, selfishness, lust, covetousness, indifference and far too many other charges to even mention. The reader may rest assured that the trial dominated world press and television news. The court stenographers and court artists were among the few allowed to be present in the court for “official recording of proceedings” were permitted. The presiding judge, the right honourable Clarence Ponsonby-Snoot, Q.C., M.B.E, K.G., Ph.D (Law) and fully paid up member of the non-European Conservative Party, took up the microphone on his oak desk which was standing at the rear of the plate. Stating his name and status to the court he began:

“Lucifer Theodonis Maximus Diabolicus” (that was the Devil's identifying name which oddly the law allowed him to use while on trial), “you stand here today before this legal and most lawful of judiciaries, fully aware of the charges you face and of which you are certainly guilty, for, according to the 5 million boxes of personal testimonies given to this court by your accusers, you, acting alone and often with others in your employ, have wilfully and with malice aforethought, sought to mislead and corrupt trillions of men, women and children, often unchecked, for the last thousand years. You have led many into lives of illegality, violence, theft, lust and many other unlawful, even perverse, acts. How do you plead?”

The Devil, entirely unmoved by all he had heard, said nothing for a long while, but just looked around the Court. He looked at the Judge, a moustachioed somewhat overweight tall man with glasses on his nose and hands with manicured nails sporting two gold rings. The Judge also had a large gold fob watch which hung from his expensive waistcoat like a medallion. He looked at the jury of “12 men good and true” who coughed lightly and fidgeted with papers and glasses or looked at their watches. He looked at the Procurators, a team of thin, gaunt-looking men and women who wore heavily starched gowns and collars and bow ties clasped too tightly around their necks. Their look told the Devil they had already arrived at their verdict. He looked again at the Judge and spoke:

“Not guilty.”

There were many in court who gasped, others thought nothing of the Prince of Darkness denying the charges, after all he had no morals or any conscience about what he did, hadn’t that been the way he worked? Why should he now change or admit to the things he was on trial to answer? He had many advantages over earthly law. He was fluent in all languages and religions. He knew how worldly law worked, what it could or could not do. He also knew he could not be given any earthly sentence or punishment worthy of his status for his unlawful actions, for what sentence could any court impose? Not the death penalty, Lucifer was immortal; Not a custodial sentence, since the very longest term in jail that this court could impose was fifty years, a mere blip to one who was just as old as God himself. The court were very aware of this and debated (in private) that any sentence had to be just and meaningful and convey to the world press that the verdict would reflect the ends of justice and would satisfy the rightful demand of the accusers for redress and fair play towards them. Having pled “Not guilty” to the charges, Lucifer was informed that evidence would be heard, and testimony admitted from a select number of those who had been accepted as credible witnesses by the court.

The first witness, an elderly gentleman wearing a dark suit and formal shirt and tie, was sworn in and asked to give his name by the Chief Procurator. “Erwin Stanley Parker” came the reply.